Tag: theme

DAY 37

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CW: Description of abuse, child abuse

When I hit puberty, warden said that she would only buy a bra if I give her evidence that I do need a bra. This obviously involves being topless in front of her. I did not want to but I had to because otherwise, she would not get me a bra. She never let me choose which bra fits me most. She always chose them for me and they were always been sports bra. I am not sure why she always lean towards sports bra. She said that I should wear bras so my breasts stay perky. She compared my breasts to my twin sister’s. She made opinions about my breasts and their growth.

She is a pervert who offends a child and that child was me. I had nowhere to go. I was emotionally manipulated to think that she is the best mother on earth. I did not know any better because I had no comparison or idea of what normal parents would do because I have never been allowed to make friends and socialize.

This is the flashback I had since yesterday and it was hard to concentrate on anything. I was depressed yesterday. I can’t believe someone like this still live three blocks away from me. I can’t believe how her sister does not even stand up TO her.

Please. Stand up TO the perpetrator. No parents should abuse their child. Parents should provide security and protection not being the main threat to their mental and physical well-being.

Where did my father go? Why did he not see this? All those years I was abused, he could sleep and not think about me? Spending his days with his daughter and his wife. Dad, how were you able to sleep at night not knowing if I was ok or if I was alive? Why did you leave me when I was 2.5 years old? You did not leave your daughter when she was 2.5 years old. Why? Why did not you do anything when I told you that the warden physically abuse me?

It is not the children’s fault that they are abused. Please stand up with the child. Children don’t lie about who abuse them.

DAY 34

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CW: Description of sexual abuse.

Flashback: Warden used to wear her panties while playing on her ipad all day, everyday. She said that she has so many things in her head so she needs to wind down. Thing is, she wind down all day, everyday. She would lay on her stomach in her bedroom and she would wear panties in front of me. She would order me what to do while not sending me to school though she had means to do so.

I was not in school, I was doing the chores for the apartment along with my twin sister. She forced me to be comfortable to change my clothes in front of her. She stared at me changing my clothes.

She is still around, facing no legal repercussions

DAY 32

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Had a flashback earlier today. When I was 7, Warden used to ask for my arm to be pinched. She did this when she gets angry. I recalled some moments in the car where she asked my twin sister to give out her arm so that Warden can pinch it. It’s not really ‘asking’. We never had a choice to not give our arms. So my twin sister gave out her arm to Warden and warden pinched her and that second she burst in tears and screams in pain. I yelled to Warden that what she did is violent and that she is hurting my twin sister. Did she say sorry? No. She yelled at me not to defend my twin sister. She expects me to be calm seeing my twin sister being pinched until she left with bruises.

I tried to sleep off my flashback but I could not make it less intense than what it is. This is why I update my blog. I want the world to understand the impacts of Warden’s abuse to me. I never reported her to the police. Maybe I should, but I have no mental energy to do so. Blog is my best option to date.