Category: Eary teenager

DAY 37

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CW: Description of abuse, child abuse

When I hit puberty, warden said that she would only buy a bra if I give her evidence that I do need a bra. This obviously involves being topless in front of her. I did not want to but I had to because otherwise, she would not get me a bra. She never let me choose which bra fits me most. She always chose them for me and they were always been sports bra. I am not sure why she always lean towards sports bra. She said that I should wear bras so my breasts stay perky. She compared my breasts to my twin sister’s. She made opinions about my breasts and their growth.

She is a pervert who offends a child and that child was me. I had nowhere to go. I was emotionally manipulated to think that she is the best mother on earth. I did not know any better because I had no comparison or idea of what normal parents would do because I have never been allowed to make friends and socialize.

This is the flashback I had since yesterday and it was hard to concentrate on anything. I was depressed yesterday. I can’t believe someone like this still live three blocks away from me. I can’t believe how her sister does not even stand up TO her.

Please. Stand up TO the perpetrator. No parents should abuse their child. Parents should provide security and protection not being the main threat to their mental and physical well-being.

Where did my father go? Why did he not see this? All those years I was abused, he could sleep and not think about me? Spending his days with his daughter and his wife. Dad, how were you able to sleep at night not knowing if I was ok or if I was alive? Why did you leave me when I was 2.5 years old? You did not leave your daughter when she was 2.5 years old. Why? Why did not you do anything when I told you that the warden physically abuse me?

It is not the children’s fault that they are abused. Please stand up with the child. Children don’t lie about who abuse them.

DAY 24

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Warden spent her days laying on the bed, on her stomach, play video games on her ipad for about 8 hours a day or more. She had a lot of money from the inheritance. I asked her why she did not help me to do house chores, also expressed my concern that she plays games too often and too long.

She said, “I am an adult and I have so many things on my mind. I deserve a break”. This break lasted about six years. This is how she would spend her day from when I turned 11 to when I turned 17. Me and my twin sister were the ones who would prepare her meals. I would laundry all her clothes and clean the bathroom. We were her servants from the day her husband goes abroad.

I could have been in school but two years within that six years, I was ‘homeschooled’. This is because I had to teach myself every subjects I took in school. She did not help me, she yells, fights, shouts, being violent and play games all day. She lies. She lies to everyone that she teaches me. She never did. I taught myself sciences, mathematics, history, religious studies from grade 6 to grade 8. Lucky enough I managed to achieve well on my national exams.

I asked her to move me to formal school but she never allowed me to go to a formal school since her husband goes abroad. She had enough money to send me to a school with good teachers. Not only I was forced to stay inside the building, I was not allowed to make friends. She would take my phone and check all my conversations. I had two friends, both lived just across our apartment unit.

Unfortunately the friendship did not last. I never had fights with them. Warden took my phone and insulted my friends. Obviously, their parents thought it was me who did it and so they never allowed my friends to talk to me since. I never had a chance to explain them that it was Warden who sent the verbal insults.

DAY 19

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This is my average routine when I was 12.

  1. Wake up in the morning and practice piano. This is early at around 5 am.
  2. I would eat all sorts of fruits before taking showers.
  3. Get ready to go to the mall. Warden likes malls. She would drive us to the mall to go to starbucks at say.. 8 am. So early that there were only few stores that accept customers. A neighbor would ask why we go to the mall early morning. As ridiculous as it sounds, we had no wifi. We could have had wifi router if Warden gets one. She never did. Why? That’s a question I fail to answer. I would eat buttered croissants, 3-4 of them. It happened many times that starbucks would run out of croissants because I had to fill out my stomach while Warden browse through the internet. She’d spend hours on her laptop sitting in the corner of starbucks dine-in place.
  4. Mall day, everyday. I would spend a whole day in the mall.
  5. Lunch at mall. Usually Caesar salad.
  6. Dinner can be at the mall can be at home. If at home, I will be the one who cooks.
  7. Sleep.

She likes to shop. Oh how she loves perfumes. Designer brand perfumes and designer bags. This shapes my personality. I appreciate efficient shopping in the mall. Actually, I prefer to thrift.

As you can see, school was not listed above. Warden has enough means to pay my tuition but she did not. I did not enroll at a school when I was 11-12.