I gave up the religion I was born with when I was thirteen years old. On a morning walk alone, I thought, ‘what if there is no God?’. Being raised by two religiously academic couple, I have maintained a religious routine for a while. 99% of people in the country I was raised in are religious. I read books authored by religious scholars. The question I asked to myself was very incisive, considering that I am on top of my class in religious studies. I explored my mind through that question. Long story short, at age fifteen, I told my sister that I consider myself to be an agnostic.
My journey to become an agnostic, breaking free from the dogmas of religion that were placed in me was life-changing. This is when I discovered that I have a strong inclination to natural sciences. I don’t condemn those who hold religious beliefs, to each their own.
Now what makes me confused this morning is.. Why is it easier to liberate my mind from religious moral standards and philosophies than to liberate my mind from the trap of excruciating memories I had when growing up? I did not choose to be religious, nor choose to be raised by someone with a deranged mind. I was religious as soon as I came out of my mother’s belly and I was in Warden’s care since I was 2.5 years old.
Someday I will understand.
The Hypervigilant Child 