DAY 2

MY MOTHER ON ARIPIPRAZOLE (ABILIFY)

After more than a decade of suffering from a chronic mental illness, she was finally brought to a psychiatrist in downtown. Her psychiatrist diagnosed her to be schizophrenic and prescribed her abilify as a treatment. This did not last long. There were no follow ups and no refills for her prescriptions. Mrs. Warden did not try any harder to provide sufficient treatment for my mother. My mother, as usual, isolates herself in her bedroom. She became unusually quiet, apathetic, and nauseous. I felt remorseful for her. She does not seem to be jovial at all.

What I know for sure was that the voices in her head was significantly reduced. Her younger sister does not like to communicate to her. I was ten when Mrs. Warden asked me to bring my mother food and her medication. I was instructed to wait until I see her swallowing her pill. It was very emotionally exhausting. I hated the task I was doing. Mrs. Warden would say, “she is your mother! You must take care of her’’.  Every day, few times a day, I go upstairs to feed her and administer her pills. It was very emotionally exhausting but no matter how much I express my exhaustion to Mrs. Warden; she would not listen. At some point, it seems like her schizophrenia needs to be my responsibility, my obligation and no one else’s. Her nausea would get bad after she finished her meal. She would puke so loud and multiple times that this annoy Mrs. Warden. As the result, Mrs. Warden would go up to her and yell, shout, hit her.

Mrs. Warden was and is never seemed to care of the side effect of her oldest sister’s treatment. When my mother goes to shower, there were times where she vomited her foods. Mrs. Warden, being dismissive about the effects of the medicine, assumed and concluded that my mother has bulimia and that she is anorexic. She was not. In fact, she enjoys many sorts of foods.  As the result, Mrs. Warden forced my mother to keep the bathroom door open when she takes showers to prevent my mother from vomiting her meals. She was forced to take shower and forced to do it with doors open. Mrs. Warden would supervise her to ensure that she does not vomit any meals she is given prior to showering. This led to tensions between the two. My mother, although schizophrenic, was aware of personal space and privacy. She felt exposed, she cried, she yelled in distress and frustration. I was not able to stop all of this. Mrs. Warden instructed me to go inside the bathroom and watch her shower. I saw my mother naked and showering and she asked me to ensure she clean everything in her. This routine was very painful to me. I was barely a teenager and emotionally developing, when I witness my mother being ridiculed while she was showering. Mrs. Warden never wanted to consider her oldest sister to be mentally ill. She thinks of her as someone who has bad intention and who is very annoying. Mrs. Warden has no mercy to her sister who happens to be my mother.

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